Cross Me Off Your List
by EasternSunflower
Summary: "If You Love Something, Let it go. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours." A phrase that means two completely different things for Matt and Mello. Two-shot. Is there something wrong with Mello? Or is it Matt?
1. Cross Me Off Your List

**Author's Note= So, this is a wedding gift for MXMsHolic, my wife. She's already read it, and there will be a second chapter. I don't own the lyrics, they are ****Cross Me Off Your List by Hawthorne Heights and are theirs.  
****Matt's POV**

* * *

_~  
So let us,  
__Concentrate,  
__On all those things,  
__You love to hate.  
~_

I stared blankly into his eyes, he stared right back. I still don't understand your reasons. I don't want to, so just listen to me once.

_~  
It makes this,  
__All worth the wait,  
__But causes us,  
__To separate.  
~_

Ironic how we were right back to our staring again. Only now he was half dead and his eyes were bright with an untamed fear; Mello didn't want to die. But I knew that we would never be the same around each other. It made me want to not help him, but I knew that would make things worse.

_~  
And I don't know,  
__How I should feel,  
__These lights make it all seem real.  
~_

I stared at the unconscious blonde, just stared. This wasn't really happening.

_~  
Can you see this?  
__Or wear it on your wrist?  
__It's everything you wanted,  
__The mark you always missed.  
~_

The strange part was that I felt nothing anymore. No direct contact with people does that to you, it numbs you. It turns you into a machine. But apparently, in Mello's case, too much contact did the same.

_~  
Can you feel this?  
__Cross me off your list,  
__She's everything you wanted,  
__The mark you always missed.  
~_

I was done caring, it was just over. Obviously Mello wanted another machine just like him. I wasn't that machine. I was a different type. Like he was a Macbook Pro and I was a Nintendo 64. Not compatible.

_~  
With dry eyes,  
__Steady hands,  
__I try so hard to understand,  
~_

This was giving me such a head ache. Mello was trying to change me into his ideal machine, trying to upgrade me, but Mello was horrible with technology. I had a better chance of downgrading him. But I wouldn't.

"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours."

_~  
Why you left us,  
__All alone,  
__Three broken hearts with a broken home.  
~_

Slowly my new ice heart was melting, but it revealed something Mello didn't want to see. He tried to re-freeze it, only to have it melt completely. To him, what good was a wounded soldier, even if that wound was emotional.

_~  
And I don't know,  
__How I should feel,  
__These lights make it all seem real.  
~_

The pain was surprisingly bearable. As the bullets tore through blood, flesg and bone, I was eerily at ease. Not really minding my fall, if you could call it that. It's not as though I wasn't already at rock bottom.

_~  
Can you see this?  
__Or wear it on your wrist?  
__It's everything you wanted,  
__The mark you always missed.  
~_

I contemplated many things as I laid bleeding, noticing how no one helped me. After my life experience, I wasn't sure if I wanted help. I just watched as they stared at me. Wondering how stupid I was, or if I were suicidal. If only they knew.

_~  
Can you see this?  
__Or wear it on your wrist?  
~_

My thoughts turned to Mello, I wondered if he cared, even a little. And as my cigarette fell from my lips, I wasn't sure I'd ever know.

_~  
It's everything you wanted,  
__The mark you always missed.  
~_

"Please forgive me, Matt. I never thought you'd die."

_~  
Can you feel this?  
__Cross me off your list,  
__She's everything you wanted,  
__The mark you always missed.  
~_


	2. I Am On Your Side

**Author's Note= This is the sequel, from Mel's POV**

Mello's POV

* * *

_~  
I never meant to hurt you,  
__Sometimes these thoughts,  
__Have a way of making sense.  
~_

Lazily, I watched him watch me. He was searching for something, but he wouldn't find it. I'd closed it off, and I wasn't up for listening.

_~  
Secrets that we keep,  
__Turn into accidents.  
~_

He looked regretful as he watched my face. Didn't he want to help me? I hoped he would put up with me, I didn't want to live without him. I hoped he would forget this.

_~  
If you burn away the bonds,  
__With the fire of selfishness,  
__The positive and negative,  
__Have a way of blending in.  
~_

I wish I could say that I'd been having peaceful dreams, but then I'd be lying. I laid perfectly still, and felt him watch me. I wondered what he was feeling.

_~  
End this now, we've gone too far,  
__Let's take back words, that turn to scars.  
__If I could find a way, to turn back time,  
__Had to let you know, I'm on your side.  
~_

I sat back as I realized Matt's way of self-defense; isolation. He had the opposite problem as I did. It was obvious each of us would rather feel the consequences of our own chosen sin than the other's.

_~  
Took the easy way out,  
__I shut myself down.  
__The only way to ease the pain,  
__Is to drink until I drown.  
~_

I didn't understand Matt anymore, he didn't make any sense. I was beginning to fear that his isolation had finally begun to eat away at his sanity.

_~  
I'll say it out loud,  
__My voice is the only sound,  
__So listen up, I'll spell it out,  
__I need your help, I need it now.  
~_

I tried to understand, to see if he could still be salvaged. But the more I tried, the more he pulled, the farther he unraveled. So I stepped back. Afterall;

"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours."

_~  
End this now, we've gone too far,  
__Let's take back words, that turn to scars.  
__If I could find a way, to turn back time,  
__Had to let you know, I'm on your side.  
~_

Apparently, stepping back was the wrong move. Matt unraveled faster than before, it was terrifying. I tried my best to save his sanity, but it only slipped farther away.

_~  
Am I now,  
__Everything,  
__That you wanted,  
__Me to be.  
~_

I was on edge all through my time with Takada. With Matt's downhill progress, I was worried that he may sacrifice himself on purpose, that he'd go down without a fight.

_~  
Tried me best,  
__Took a shot,  
__In the dark,  
__And I lost.  
~_

As I drove I wondered if I were the reason for why Matt was falling. Had I done something? Had someone else done something? I wouldn't be around long enough to find out. Takada was too quiet, she underestimated me.

_~  
End this now,  
__We've gone too far,  
__Let's take back words,  
__That turn to scars.  
~_

I tried my best to focus, but I felt as though something horrible was, or had happened. If Matt survived, I hoped that Near would figure out what was wrong with Matt.

But as I finished that thought, my world came crashing down with the words of the small television set.

_~  
If I could find a way,  
__To turn back time,  
__Had to let you know,  
__I'm on your side.  
~_

"Please forgive me, Matt. I never thought you'd die."

_~  
If I could find a way, to turn back time,  
__Had to let you know,  
__I'm On Your Side  
~_

* * *

**A/N= Seems as though our Matty has schizophrenia. ^.^**


End file.
